Last night I went to bed happy and loved…
This morning I woke up defeated…
Wanting to quit everything…
School, work, caring things far in mind…
Just wanting to lay in my bed defeated…
Vegetable state… I might as well be!
My brain is crippled…
My drive is parked…
Wanting to live but just outside my mind…
I’m not happy in this levee, ditch, roadblock…
Maybe I’m not ready…
Maybe I need medicine…
Maybe I need to be checked in…
….
….
Checking in defeated…
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Feeling pt.2
Love…
The feeling you get when you’re with that special person…
The feeling that gives butterflies just thinking of that person…
The feeling that reminds you that our bodies are 65% water…
The feeling that can’t be rented or bought from that video store…
Can’t be found in that magazine…
Or on the website you subscribed to…
The passion and sexual enticement…
As Jill said that feeling that don’t wash away with soap…
What do you do…?
When you feel that feeling for more then one…?
It becomes complicated…
And with complications comes life changing decisions…
And with decisions comes repercussions…
And with repercussions comes serious consequences…
Resulting in confusion…
SO WHAT DO YOU DO…
The feeling you get when you’re with that special person…
The feeling that gives butterflies just thinking of that person…
The feeling that reminds you that our bodies are 65% water…
The feeling that can’t be rented or bought from that video store…
Can’t be found in that magazine…
Or on the website you subscribed to…
The passion and sexual enticement…
As Jill said that feeling that don’t wash away with soap…
What do you do…?
When you feel that feeling for more then one…?
It becomes complicated…
And with complications comes life changing decisions…
And with decisions comes repercussions…
And with repercussions comes serious consequences…
Resulting in confusion…
SO WHAT DO YOU DO…
Monday, October 12, 2009
Feeling pt.1
What do you do when the ones you love don’t love you back…?
When you wanna move on to another relationship and you can’t…
Here you stand willing to say yes and no question is asked…
What do you do…?
When your heart aches because it was once broken…
But it aches because it’s overflowing…
Bursting at the mended seams that may not have been there if…
But not only if it wasn’t broken before…
But if it never loved before it never would have known this pain…
This pain that is the reason why wars were fought…
That feeling that can’t be bought…
When you wanna move on to another relationship and you can’t…
Here you stand willing to say yes and no question is asked…
What do you do…?
When your heart aches because it was once broken…
But it aches because it’s overflowing…
Bursting at the mended seams that may not have been there if…
But not only if it wasn’t broken before…
But if it never loved before it never would have known this pain…
This pain that is the reason why wars were fought…
That feeling that can’t be bought…
Monday, October 5, 2009
The Game
Used and abused like a substance
I still continue to press on
I sacrifice to help out
Even though it’s not rewarded
when appreciation is lacking
Yet I still do
The reason I can’t be with woman is because I know there pain all to well
The same gender I love so much and appreciate for birthing me… woman…
Spits on me, does not celebrate me… Respects me, yet disrespects me
I travel out of my boundaries to relieve stress
I extend accounts to bring happiness
And still the ridicule is the payment I receive
The inexcusable actions
But still I do
Respect and love for the opposite sex
Comes so easy
But somehow turns into resent and discourage
So branch out to find that I have little in common with man
So selfish they are
Testosterone filled
Manly men… ha… pussies
Punks, aint shit…
So where am I to stand???
How do I play the field of pleasure and happiness???
Play on both teams equally…
Never a secret just a game I play…
I still continue to press on
I sacrifice to help out
Even though it’s not rewarded
when appreciation is lacking
Yet I still do
The reason I can’t be with woman is because I know there pain all to well
The same gender I love so much and appreciate for birthing me… woman…
Spits on me, does not celebrate me… Respects me, yet disrespects me
I travel out of my boundaries to relieve stress
I extend accounts to bring happiness
And still the ridicule is the payment I receive
The inexcusable actions
But still I do
Respect and love for the opposite sex
Comes so easy
But somehow turns into resent and discourage
So branch out to find that I have little in common with man
So selfish they are
Testosterone filled
Manly men… ha… pussies
Punks, aint shit…
So where am I to stand???
How do I play the field of pleasure and happiness???
Play on both teams equally…
Never a secret just a game I play…
Single
Single means one…
Single = alone…
Single = independence…
When you’re independent you’re singled out…
Not in a good way either…
Hawked by niggas…
Stalked by bitches…
All for the d..d..d..dick…
The cock… the rock that makes everyone go crazy…
Because after they’ve got it they’ve got it…
It…
The temporary fix…
Temporary – nonpermanent… instability…
Unstable – not properly supported; lack of foundation
Foundation- keeps the structure standing…
Structure- The reason why you’re single now…
Pros- you built a structure with someone…
Cons- you’re using the structure incorrectly…
You built the foundation and put nothing on top of it…
Without anything to cover it the foundation begins to weaken…
If or when you decide to begin to build on it, the foundation will surely crack or settle incorrectly…
Causing what you built to crumble…
Leaving you single in a pile of rubble…
Single = alone…
Single = independence…
When you’re independent you’re singled out…
Not in a good way either…
Hawked by niggas…
Stalked by bitches…
All for the d..d..d..dick…
The cock… the rock that makes everyone go crazy…
Because after they’ve got it they’ve got it…
It…
The temporary fix…
Temporary – nonpermanent… instability…
Unstable – not properly supported; lack of foundation
Foundation- keeps the structure standing…
Structure- The reason why you’re single now…
Pros- you built a structure with someone…
Cons- you’re using the structure incorrectly…
You built the foundation and put nothing on top of it…
Without anything to cover it the foundation begins to weaken…
If or when you decide to begin to build on it, the foundation will surely crack or settle incorrectly…
Causing what you built to crumble…
Leaving you single in a pile of rubble…
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Threat
What happens when you feel threatened??
Not physically but, just generally feel threatened…
Do you buck up and hold your ground???
Or do you back up and let the threat take control???
Truthfully, either way there is gonna be a war…
Because if you hold your ground you risk losing everything you’re protecting…
But if you let the threat take control of the situation sooner or later your gonna get sick of being in the background or oppressed…
If you think like me you rather let the threat in because you rather not fight upfront…
WHY????
Because you’re not quite sure if you want what the threat wants, or if you do… could you handle the responsibility…
You waste time trying to make excuses as to why you ask different or why you don’t come around…
WHY????
Because not coming around causes less drama…
BUT!!!!
You realize that you may not want exactly what the threat wants but you still want some…
Some call this selfish; others greed but I say mind your damn business…
You want what you want and in America your entitled to it…
Not physically but, just generally feel threatened…
Do you buck up and hold your ground???
Or do you back up and let the threat take control???
Truthfully, either way there is gonna be a war…
Because if you hold your ground you risk losing everything you’re protecting…
But if you let the threat take control of the situation sooner or later your gonna get sick of being in the background or oppressed…
If you think like me you rather let the threat in because you rather not fight upfront…
WHY????
Because you’re not quite sure if you want what the threat wants, or if you do… could you handle the responsibility…
You waste time trying to make excuses as to why you ask different or why you don’t come around…
WHY????
Because not coming around causes less drama…
BUT!!!!
You realize that you may not want exactly what the threat wants but you still want some…
Some call this selfish; others greed but I say mind your damn business…
You want what you want and in America your entitled to it…
Moisture
The dry season is still I affect…
I use to think this was a good thing…
All abided by my rules…
I controlled the weather like father earth…
There was never any precipitation in my forecast…
Plenty of tornados and earthquakes…
But, No moisture allowed…
Then the seasons began to gradually change…
I began to weaken…
In this weakness tides slowly began to rise and drizzle began to fall…
My once barren and dry desert like climate became humid…
This climate change brought on this thick fog…
Disoriented and confused I…
Began to search for the source…
The source seemed to be unattainable…
Every time I got close I lost all strength…
Kryptonite…
The funny thing was that the more I tried to stop the rain…
The more I wanted it to fall…
Because in that weakness, I found great strength and skill…
My question now is whose making it wet???
I use to think this was a good thing…
All abided by my rules…
I controlled the weather like father earth…
There was never any precipitation in my forecast…
Plenty of tornados and earthquakes…
But, No moisture allowed…
Then the seasons began to gradually change…
I began to weaken…
In this weakness tides slowly began to rise and drizzle began to fall…
My once barren and dry desert like climate became humid…
This climate change brought on this thick fog…
Disoriented and confused I…
Began to search for the source…
The source seemed to be unattainable…
Every time I got close I lost all strength…
Kryptonite…
The funny thing was that the more I tried to stop the rain…
The more I wanted it to fall…
Because in that weakness, I found great strength and skill…
My question now is whose making it wet???
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