Curves

Thick thighs…

Thick ass…

Round stomach…

Chubby cheeks…

Plus sizes…

High prices…

Name branded…

Big…

Thick…

Phat…

Vuluptuous …

Juicy…

Luscious…

Appreciated…

Never loved…

Tolerated…

Convenient…

Why???

Curves…

Alluring…

Comforting…

Form fitting…

Soft…

Moist…

Strong…

Durable…

Never cared for…

An object…

Used…

Abused…

Why not…

They can take it…

They're built for it…

Raped…

Not physically…

Emotionally…

They take you for granted…

You become a slave…

A toy…

Why???

Your curves are beautiful…

Your curves are powerful…

Your curves are valuable…

Those thick thighs…

That thick ass…

That round stomach…

Those chubby cheeks…

Plus sizes…

High prices…

Curves…

Beauty…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Help her

She is crying out for help…

She is desperate for love…

She is in need of order…

She wants to understand…

Give her a brake…

Help her…

She needs your help…

She wants your love…

She is alone in her own space…

Your not present…

You still hold a place…

A filler…

A piece of furniture…

But even furniture can have more than one purpose…

Help her…

She is hurting…

She is starving…

She is abandoned…

She is me…

I am her…

Yet we are different…

She needs you…

Help her…

Help her…

Help before its too late…

I bruise

I bruise easily
I'm to soft
I'm gentle
I'm weak
I'm lonely
I'm bitter
It hinders me
Clouds my judgement
I bruise easily
Fall quick
Hurt forever
I'm angry
I'm anxious
I'm bruised
I'm broken
I'm destroyed
I'm looking for hope
I'm lusting for love
I'm unhappy
Living life on the edge
Holding on hope
I bruise easily

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A story

I wanna tell a story about a beautiful person.

This person works hard and struggles hard.

Falls hard and loves hard.

I wanna tell a story about a beautiful person.

A person who looks for the beauty in other people.

A person that willingly gives and never seems to get.

I wanna tell a story about a beautiful person.

Who takes care of themselves financially.

Who takes care of their family.

Who takes care of business.

I wanna tell a story about a beautiful person.

Who is lonely.

Who is used.

Who is raped by the world everyday.

I wanna tell a story about a beautiful person.

Who doesn’t even know they are beautiful.

Who feels undesired.

I wanna tell a story about a beautiful person.

Who is only desired for sex.

Who is a slave to a category.

A stigma that if you’re not DTF then on to the next.

I wanna tell a story about a beautiful person.

Who wants to believe that they are beautiful.

My Premature Feelings

My premature feelings…


You make me smile…

You make me laugh…

You make me wonder…

I wonder if we could be…

Could this be now and forever…

But I’m thinking prematurely…

Feel a strong feeling for you…

Lustful?

I think so, but not in the bad sense…

You have me lusting for more conversation…

Lusting for more depth…

Lusting for new feelings…

Lusting for more days of lusting…

Still premature???

I think so…

You make me quiver…

Thinking about you put me in heat…

Thinking about you I forget about negative thoughts…

I think premature thoughts…

I have premature feelings…

Strong feelings of like…

Strong feelings of lust…

You excite my body…

You excite my nerves…

My premature feelings…

Are maturing more and more everyday…

J’adore un belle garcon

No Refunds

I’m done trying to be nice…


I just let people take and take…

I have nothing left…

No patience for the bull man…

I gave pieces of my heart…

Out for free…

I cared when no one else did…

I was there when others turned away…

I was there…

I just can’t fathom what my problem is…

Was I raised to have too kind of a heart?

I guess its because I wore me heart out on my sleeves…

So ima do myself a favor and put my heart back in my chest…

Put my guard all the way up…

But the next person has you to thank…

Because of you…

They have to work harder to win me over…

I hope you don’t live to regret your decision…

Because there are no refunds or take backs…

No more exchanges…

All sales final go pitch to someone else…

Angel

There something need to accomplish soon…


I need to find someone to love…

My heart has so much to give…

But reluctantly no one to receive…

My body is starving of affection…

I need a distraction from the cravings…

The yearnings to be in something complex…

Someone I could decrypt and make sense of…

A discovery, intimate, and exclusive uncovering…

I want someone to take care of me…

Not financially… I got that…

I wanna feel safe…

I wanna be able to lay my guard down…

I tired of being strong…

Being independent is a full time job…

And I’m already employed…

One pays the other takes…

Smh…

Can God please send me an angel…

My angels coming soon…

Hopefully…

Seasons Change

AT TIMES I BAFFLE MYSELF

I GIVE MY POWER AWAY

AS IF ITS FOR SALE

FOR PEOPLE TO PAY AND SAY

WHAT THEY WANT WHAT THEY NEED

AND I GIVE

AND I BLEED

ON THE INSIDE

YOU TELL ME IM SELFISH

IM FOOLISH, I BELEIVE

YOU MAKE ME FEEL WORTHLESS

I TRUST, YOU DECEIVE

YOU USE AND ABUSE

WHATS NOT RIGHTFULLY YOURS

BECAUSE I LET YOU

I WAS TOO BLIND TO SEE

THE RIGHT ONE WAS HERE

I TURNED HIM AWAY

BECAUSE OF MY FEAR

OF LOSING SOMETHING

THAT I THOUGHT WAS RIGHT

BUT ONE DAY DARKNESS HAS TO COME TO LIGHT

I CRIED AND I CRIED

AND I PRAYED AND I PRAYED

AND YOU PREYED AS WELL

BUT ON ME YOU DWELLED

YOU TAKE AND YOU TOOK

AND I GIVE AND I GAVE

BECAUSE I WAS YOUR EVERTHING

ALEAST THATS HOW YOU BEHAVED

WAS I NEVER ENOUGH

IS THAT WHY YOU KEPT LOOKING

THEN COVERED IT UP

BUT YOUR OVERLOOKING

THE RIGHT GUY KNOWS WHEN HE SEES A SNAKE

BUT HIS PRIDE WONT TELL ME

I HAVE TO MAKE THE MISTAKE

I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO THE FATHER ABOVE

HE GAVE ME REASON

MR. RIGHT WILL STAY

YOU WERE MEANT FOR A SEASON

Live

in order to live life
you gotta live for yourself
cuz if your not doing it now
its affecting my health

some people call me crazy
i tell them look at thereselves
cuz in order to judge me
you must be here yourself

i dont treat myself right
at times i took my life and bet it
but thats doesn't mean
that i didnt almost regret

yes i've had those thoughts
and there nothing to play with
but its easier to do it
and its harder to say it

It's hard to tell other people
About how you struggled
It's hard to level with yourself
And admit you are troubled

its hard to admit when you need help
but your lifes not game
somebody has to love you
the one who gave you your name

and if not them
well your already here
theres infinite possibilites
though there not clear

i've tried a few myself
some worked others didnt
i almost ended it
but the thing is i didnt

I didn't choose to be here
but i chose to stay
theres a whole world out there
just take it day by day

life is worth living
life is worth learning
life is about giving
life is about earning

your mother gave birth
our father gave life
so back off the ledge
put down the knife
come up for air
put down the gun
cuz lifes not always gonna be fun

I maybe rambiling
but heres the conclusion
if your not happy now
lose the delusion

This is your life
take it back today
if you can do nothing else
live, love, and pray

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Daydreaming

Your home…

I've been waiting for you…

Counting down the hours, minutes, and seconds til your arrival…

I leap into your arms…

Embrace you on hand behind your back the other behind your head…

Legs wrap around you like a belt around you waist I hug you tight…

Tighter so you can feel me…

I kiss your lips so you can heal me…

My glass half full… you make it overflow…

The passion in your eyes lets my body know… I'm safe…

My babies home…

I prepare you feast fit for a king…

Following a dessert that was worth the wait…

You devour every morsel… even clean the plate…

Welcome home… My babies home…

To put me to bed…

To help me sleep…

Tucking me in and under so the bedbug don't bite…

Leave me sleeping like a baby by the end of the night…

My babies home…

I have sweet dreams and warm nights…

He cuddles me and coddles me til the day is bright…

Then off he goes like a tear in the seam…

It was wishful thinking… heavenly daydream…

Standards

Standards

Don't me blame for having them…

Don't fault me for following them…

Don't be mad cuz your below them…

Because regardless of how you feel its not going to change them…

Standards

Levels of expectations

Either you meet them or you don't…

Don't settle for medocrity…

Don't settle period…

Standards

Without them you'll suffer…

You know what you want…

Standards

There for you…

They'll help you…

Standards

Are you in your ideal lifestyle?

When it rains

as the rain falls I realize something... yet again another disappointment another loss... I pay the cost and everyone else lives free... I'm taxed I'm paid then I'm laid off... I'm paid off... I was the maybe I was the could be... never should be or a would be... just a wanna be... a loser in the game... the one who takes the blame and the shame... Always the one in pain never to gain.... or benefit from the fruits of my labor... I try to care and nurture the spirit as if it were my own... I try to care and nurture the man as if he were my own... I'm still alone... I'm still at home... behind closed doors locked away like a abomination... this feels like a hate crime or discrimination... because maybe just maybe if I was faster I could've been happy... just gave it up gave you my all... been like the rest maybe if I just laid on my chest.... you know rest its history... I can't turn back from that... there's nothing left... that's all I have left to give... you would know me better then I would know myself... know me from the inside and out... My pride would be broken...but would I be happy??? because all we would know now... there's nothing left to build... we have peaked in our relationship... we reached the climax with building the other elements to the plot... we got stuck...

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Who knew

It's crazy how at first glance...
I had to give you chance...
Through all colors I seen that night...
I seen you in plain black and white...
Who knew that on that night...
Darkness would turn to light...
Who knew that ignorance would miss...
Our first moments of bliss...
As the dark clouds lifted...
I found that he was gifted...
Talented, Strong willed, its true...
Who knew I'd be fallen for you...
My eyes couldn't help but mist...
As I sit and reminiscence...
On the good times although few...
We have plenty of time to make new...
So let's just make due...
With these borrowed moments...
I guess I'm addicted to your presence...
Who knew...

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I wish it was enough

I'm done…

At least I think I am…

I wanna be…

But I can't be…

Im never happy…

Why is that?

I try and try…

And my result always comes up empty…

I am NEVER happy…

Every time I start to get to happiness…

It's crushed …

My feelings ignored…

My self esteem obliterated…

My heart lost…

I've loved so hard…

So so hard…

And for what do I owe gratitude to?

Who do I thank for all the invisible happiness?

I sacrifice so much…

Where is the return?

When?

Why is it not possible for...

I've loved…

I love…

And it's not returned…

I cry…

I cry…

I cried…

I'm crying…

And for what?

To do it over again?

I'm insane…

Hoping for a different outcome…

Will it come?

Am I worth it?

Or am I just a toy?

Maybe a doll?

Something to look at…

Something nice to…

All used up…

Not much to give…

But my all…

I wish it was enough…

 

Truth and Dare

I'm not quite sure if it's acute love…

Or is it extreme like…

But I do know my good feelings are strong for you…

When I hurt you my heart is heavy…

The tears run like waterfalls…

Your happiness…

Priceless…

I want to show you I'm ready for love...

I dare you to trust me...

I dare you to love me...

I dare you to take a chance...

I fucked up but...

I do my best to fix it...

Just say yes...

And I'll start today...

My love…

My heart…

My friend…

♥

 

Smh

In search of true happiness…

I thought that you were it…

Lol…

Not saying that you didn't make me happy…

But…

You were only a guide…

A point in the right direction so to speak…

You helped me see that I have a problem…

A problem with being happy…

As insane as that may sound I do…

Happiness…

It's just seems unrealistic in my life…

In order to survive I have to have a certain amount of chaos…

I fucked up…

I hurt myself…

I hurt my happiness…

Smh…

 

 

I Cried

A tear is still a tear no matter whose face it rolls down…

I cried for you…

I cried for you because you couldn't cry for yourself…

Your confused…

Your frustrated…

Your stressed…

Your scared…

And I cried for you…

Then I cried for me…

Because I know what I want…

I am frustrated…

I am stressed…

But I'm not scared…

My scars still bleed sometimes…

I cried for you…

But I felt no sympathy…

Because you have it good…

You take for granted what you could have…

But you don't want it…

You hide from what could potentially be Love…

Hmph… Love

L

O

V

E

A word…

A feeling…

A state of being…

Always taken for granted…

I cried for you…

Because I wanted to be you…

Tear….

 

 

Je désire

I don't quite understand my situation…

Why am I always in a position where I lose something…?

Usually something that holds importance to me…

I lost communication with one…

I lost interest in another…

I lost my mind…

I lost respect…

I lost high ground…

Now I'm in defense mode…

But no strength to defend…

Emotions plundered…

Nerves damaged…

Je me sens comme un fou incompetent…

Il a glissé hors de ma vie et dans elses…

mais j'ai déménagé sur…

I've come to the conclusion that I'm not relationship material…

Lol…

I'm Asexual…

Je n'ai pas besoin du sexe ...

J'ai juste besoin d'un baiser…

Je veux un câlin…

Pour se sentir à nouveau desirable…

Sabotage

Lost respect for me…

Lost trust in my decisions…

Lost love for myself…

Sabotage…

I miss out on good things…

To relive the past…

In with the old out with the new…

Sexually stifled…

Emotionally confused…

Sabotage…

Fall for losers…

Coned by con artists…

Searching for love from the ass

Searching for understanding in the confused…

Self destructive…

Hard headed…

Sabotage…

Try to tame the untamed…

Try to rebuild the destroyed…

Live through others…

Trying too hard…

Love too freely…

I sabotaged myself…

 

 

Ready

You're not ready to leave…

You don't wanna go…

But there's a lot going on… They just don't know…

You know they understand…

But they may not accept…

But you're grown and dangerous if left unkempt…

Not to them but to yourself…

The depression is setting in…

You've been fighting it but you can't win…

The desperation and despair you feel every day…

The emptiness on the inside…

This feeling you can't hide…

Do you know the feeling???

Have you ever felt like I've felt???

Beating yourself up until you welt…

Bruised ego…

To be alone…

To feel lonely at night…

To not function right…

To be incomplete…

To dread waking up in the morning…

Seeing no one there…

To face the cold unforgiving world alone…

To feel less of oneself everyday…

And think it's the price you pay…

For being yourself…

For being misunderstood…

Something I get… but you wish they could…

Outcaste…

Not to feel love…

Praying to the man above…

For love and acceptance…

What is the cost???

Who do you pay???

Is it that harmful just to lay???

Sense of security…

Not to feel lost…

To be a priority…

To be comfortable…

To feel comforted…

Warmth…

To be cuddled…

And to be coddled…

By love…

That's not too much to ask…

 

 

 

 

 

Just be

Embrace me…

Grasp me…

Clutch me…

Hold me like this is the last time…

Kiss me…

Kiss me until I feel it…

Until I feel you…

Until I see you…

Until I see me…

Uncloud my sky….

Unclog my mind…

Pour into me…

Fill my glass…

Empty your burdens …

Unleash your fears…

Drop your insecurities…

Mold me…

Build me…

Bathe me in your love…

Wrap me with dreams…

Shower me with aspiration…

Admire my determination…

Let me make you strong …

Let me protect you…

Let me let you…

Take what I have…

Give me all you got…

Be fearless…

Just be…

 

Afraid

Why can't I just let us be?

I want us to be

But I'm afraid

I'm afraid of the commitment

I'm afraid of the outcome good or bad

I'm afraid I'll be part of the list

I've been afraid since the first kiss

I want to feel special

Like I make you feel

I want to trust that you want cheat

I want to not feel ashamed when I admit to defeat

I want to say yes for once

I want to show you off as mine

And you do the same as yours

I want you to be the cup in which my heart pours

I want the happily ever after I deserve

I just need to find the nerve

To stop saying I Love You

And Love You

But will you Love me back

Will you hit the jack

And forget the daniels, the greens, and the floyds

Don't be the one who avoids

And disappears

Because we've been playing this game for 1 too many years

6 month Eval

I cut you off

What we had is done

If you thought it was easy

You're so dumb

You are a snake

Shady at best

We used to have fun

Now you're a mess

I wanted us to overcome

But the damaged was done

Your words were your sentence

Complete no run

On and on

And again and again

I lost a loved one a friend and a friend

Your time came early

Between then and now

Because last time you made it

Some way some how

I was there you were absent

Now the tables will turn

Your gonna need me again

and that day you'll learn

I may have been your sin

I may have been a mistake

But you snaked me continuously

What we had was at stake

Now you're in solitaire

Have you met Val?

What's done is done

My 6 month Eval

I’m a monster

I'm a monster

Incapable of being loved…

Incapable of recognizing a good thing…

Incapable of being seen…

Only felt

A pet…

Something is missing

I've been robbed

My body ransacked

My heart stolen…

I'm confused

My most prized possession ripped from my chest…

Held and rehabilitated against my will…

Brainwashed and then put back

But the person I was is dead…

I was murdered and reborn…

The person I was is dead, I'm a monster be warned…

 

 

Death of a family

Today is a sad day

Today is the day my family dies…

Effonte-sucre shall be no more

Can't say I won't miss my kids…

I love them all very dearly but I have to let them go…

Asia – my lovely daughter with a beautiful heart

Bayron – my feisty daughter with great intentions

Wilhy - my athlete and beautiful son

Lucas – my confused and hard headed son lol (Love you)

Carissa – my most recent daughter that I got to know and love

I love you all but this family must die…

It should be reborn as a group of close knit friends…

Again I did not discuss this with you but…

This is what is best…

Too much damage…

Love Bobby ♥

 

Growing Pains

I wanna follow my dreams…

I'm gonna follow my passions…

But what is this feeling…

This feeling of doubt…

This feeling of confusion…

This feeling of desperation…

The feeling that's making me take my time…

Is this maturity setting in???

My growing pains???

Soon I'll be on my own…

But most would say I've been grown…

Lord knows I've been alone…

But I've got a lot more growing to do…

I've been on the go for too long…

Now I must stop and then decided on my proceedings…

To see where this path is leading…

Me to I've been reading…

In-between those black and white line and found the gray area…

I have to pick a lender and become a loaner…

And transition from a vendor to an owner of my own life…

My growing pains…

I can't change the pain but I can keep moving…

Get up!!!

Pop a pill and clear my mind…

Make my decision and stick with it…

I'll always grow but it won't always hurt…

 

 

 

Open your eyes

You're blind…

You're blind if you can't see that he loves you…

He admitted to all his mistakes… came to terms with all his flaws…

Put the past to rest…

Yet you still don't recognize it…

You don't acknowledge that you see the change…

You ignore him instead…

Pretend he was never there…

Stomp on his pride…

Spit on his feelings…

And mock his attempts…

You move on… never confront him directly…

Karma…

Karma…

Karma…

You're ignoring him…

Like he never existed…

Playing with him…

Toying with his mind…

But one day you'll want him again…

You'll need him again…

And the irony in this situation is he'll be gone…

Dead to you…

If you loved him or ever cared for him…

You would let him go…

Before he loses his sanity…

Before you kill the person that you once knew…

The person you loved…

Grow up and make the responsible decision…

Or be a murderer…

My cuddle buddy

I can't breathe in my sleep (I suffocate)

I toss and turn all night because the one I yearn to be with is not beside me (Lay restlessly)

To hold me though night (Secure me)

To protect me from myself (Put my mind to rest)

To silence my violent nightmares (Protect me)

To quiet my subconscious fears (Loneliness)

To warm my cold heart (Love me)

To kiss all of my pain away (Kiss me)

My cuddle buddy (My friend)

The one I think about all day (Can't focus)

The one whose beautiful soul I want to lay with (Bliss)

The one that cares when they don't (Cares for me)

The one that listens when they won't (Hears me)

The one that makes me feel special when others can't (Important)

The one that loves me (Unconditioned)

The one that wants me (Unprovisioned)

My cuddle buddy (My friend)

The person that puts those bad thoughts to rest (I live)

The person that tries their best (All that I ask)

My cuddle buddy (My love)

Say something

I want to say something…

I want to express something…

I need to explain something …

I'm lost…

I lost myself somewhere…

I know myself…

But I don't know myself…

Where did I go?

What happened to me?

Why am I so indecisive?

What happened to my confidence?

Where did my self esteem go?

I was walking around like I wasn't good enough for anything…

Thought everyone was better…

Too afraid of rejection and failure…

Stopped trying…

Didn't quit but took a break…

A pause from reality…

But how do I unpause my life?

Who am I?

What am I?

Why am I?

So lost…

So confused…

What's my next move?

What do I have to prove?

How do I move on?

Where do I belong?

What do I want?

No plan…

From here on out I'm shooting without a script…

Surviving off of impulse…

Strengthening my pulse…

Taking a deep breath and unpausing…

I think I'm prepared now…

I know I'm ready…

 

Fallin

I'm being stretched like elastic

In constant battle

Always at war

Tug of war

The absence of my other

Half of me missing

Loving with whats left

I maintain

I remain

Around for support

Need solid foundation

Dont crack under pressure

Balance is off

Two pillars

Third broke

Strength is tested

Results unclear

Failings' fear

To tumble

Don't crumble

To be free

Freedom is a state of mind….

A state I didn't realize was meant for me….

I overcompensated for my sexuality….

I strived for excellence and nothing less….

Filled my fortress with ammunition….

And should I come under attack….

I was ready….

Not emotionally but mentally and physically….

Quick on my feet….

Loose with my tongue….

Strong by force….

But weak inside….

Vulnerable to disappointment….

So I drove myself crazy….

I strived to financially sound and educationally stimulated….

So that my sexuality wouldn't affect their views of me and my mother….

My mother and I worked damn hard to be the people we are….

And guess what she raised me….

To be this strong and intelligent man that I am today….

I write to let go….

I write to let God….

He gave me a gift….

A gift I cherish….

I can express myself…..

This is not possible for many….

But I am my mothers child and I love her so so so so much….

The strongest woman in the world raised the strongest….

Freedom in my mind…. And every stroke of my being….

To be free….

 

Blood

EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE LOVED.... EVERYONE WANTS TO KNOW WHO I AM BUT IF I TELL EM I FEAR LOSING MY FAM.... DEMONS IN MY HEAD KEEPING ME MISLEAD.... THINKING IM AT A LOSS IF I LOSE THEM...

IF I LOSE YOU IN THE MIX THEN I LOST YOU AS A WHOLE.... PERSON IN MY THOUGHTS WAS ME ALONE.... STILL DONT SEE HOW I AFFECT YOU... ULCERS LEFT INSIDE.... CUZ WHEN YOU WHISPERED BEHIND ME MY INSIDES DIED....

MY PRIDE IS AHEAD OF ME BUT I NEVER LIED.... NO ARMS WERE OPEN SO FEW I CONFIDED IN.... I TRIED TO CHANGE IT BUT I COULDN’T WIN.... STRENGTH WASN’T A PROBLEM MORALE WAS LOW.... THEN EVERYONE BEGAN TO LABEL ME.... AS SOME KIND OF DIRTY HOE....

PLOWING THROUGH THE FIELDS TIL I FOUND RICH SOIL.... SHOWS HOW MUCH THEY KNEW SO THEIR PLANS FOR ME I SPOILED.... I COULD ONLY BE ME AND ME I DID.... THIS IS WHEN I STOPPED ACTING LIKE KID.... STILL ADOLESENT AND MISGUIDED....

I WENT WHERE I WAS INVITED.... FIGHTING TO BE SOMETHING THAT I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND.... CUZ THE PEOPLE THAT I LONGED TO BE WITH EXILED ME TO A DISTANT LAND.... A LAND OF LONEINESS LOCKED AWAY IN A PRISON.... I DIDN’T DO MUCH TALKING THERE.... NO ONE WAS THERE TO LISTEN.... TO ME PLEADING AND BEGGING TO BE PART OF A WORLD THAT SHUNNED ME....

SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE WHO PUNISHED ME FOR BEING ME.... LABELED LIKE A PACKAGE.... NEVER TO BE SOLD.... BECAUSE I WAS DAMAGED GOODS AND WAS GETTING OLD.... LOCKED AWAY IN STORAGE.... WHERE I BEGAN TO MATURE LIKE FINE WINE.... I DECIDED TO BE FEARLESS HERE I DREW THE LINE.... IM GOING TO LIVE MY LIFE SHINE OR RAIN..... AND THROUGHOUT THIS JOURNEY HAS BEEN MUCH PAIN....

BLOOD, SWEAT AND TEARS.... OCEAN COULDVE BEEN ERECTED OVER THE YEARS.... BECAUSE OF THE TEARS I CRIED AT NIGHT.... THEN TODAY I SEEN THE LIGHT.... ACCEPTENCE IS A PROCESS THAT TAKES PRECIOUS TIME.... BUT MY FEELINGS LIVE WITHOUT RTHYM OR RHYME.... UNTIL THIS DAY IT WAS HARD TO ACCEPT.... AND SOMETIMES FEELS LIKE I OVERSLEPT.... IVE SLEPT ON MYSELF FOR WAY TO LONG....

AND NOW I REALIZED THERES NOTHING WRONG.... THE QUESTION ON THE TABLE IS WITH WHOM WILL I LAY.... AFTER WRITNG THIS.... SHOULD I HAVE TO SAY....? I’M YOUR SON, NEPHEW, and GRANDSON EITHER WAY.... BUT IT SHOULDN’T BE SURPRISE TO YOU THAT I’M GAY.... IM SORRY IF I HURT YOU OR LEFT YOU DISMAYED.... BUT MY BLOOD IS YOUR BLOOD SO DONT THROW SHADE....

The Best

Thinking of my future…

Trying not to forget my past…

Change is coming….

I'm scared…

I'm excited…

I'm determined…

To brake the cycle…

No longer will I be trapped…

Too busy to realize…

I was trying too hard to get ahead…

I pushed myself back…

Got comfortable…

Seeing dollar signs…

The green that legally blinds me…

The thing that legally binds me…

To an unconstitutional contract…

Yes I'm ahead for now…

BUT…

Even though I'm years ahead of my peers…

In a few years they'll be decades ahead of me…

In order for me to stay competitive…

I have to give them something to compete with…

Defeat them from the indirect…

Destroy them with my intellect…

Taught by the best…

Chance

How long can you run and hide from the truth…

Elude your feelings with what society accepts…

Putting you on hold for….

I don't know … false realities…

How long can you put off what you need and yurn for…

Force yourself to believe you will be this person…

Lie!!!!

To yourself????

Why….

Because it buys you time to think…

But what happens when the well runs dry….

Times up….

Time to face reality…

The heart stopping gut wrenching truth is waiting…

Do you accept it???

But to accept it would mean you accept yourself….

You accept the possible consequences…

In most cases the loses are way greater than the gains…

But the gains are weighing on you soul…

Clogging up your arteries like fat…

But the loses may also cause catastrophic damage…

Can you win either way???

Make a decision and you'll see…

Chance

 

 

Missing

I feel like an outcast…

To be among the people I love the most my best friends and feel excluded…

You have no idea how I feel…

I don’t hear from you often and I don’t see you often…

I don’t receive call or text messages anymore…

When I call I get voicemail…

When I text I just wait…

Never to be replied back to…

Wow I know that I have my flaws but you cant say I don’t try…

Every one has their own agenda…

I was replaced by another…

I was ignored…

And we had a falling out…

Why cant we pick it back up???

Remember the old days when we chilled???

When we talked???

When we stayed up all night???

Had movie night???

Included eachother in plans???

Communicated with eachother???

Asked about eachother???

Or am I the only one outside the loop…

I fear I’m losing my friends….

I miss yall…

I miss us…

I miss we…

Do yall miss me???

Secret Place

I've got a secret place in the dark depths of my mind where everything in my life is attainable…

In that secret place I hold and store all of my most precious memories, feelings, dreams, and fantasies…

Very few know the contents of this place…

Many go mad trying to find out…

Because while there mind is on drought they cause destruction…

Man the densest narrow minded non imaginative creation…

Destroys for his own idealistic view then persuades other men that it's necessary…

Thus killing individualism and creativity in men… in a people…

Attempting to eradicate radical thinking…

Enslaving a culture for personal gain or power…

Causing unnecessary civil war…

Structured systems overthrown… for freedom…

For Freedoms…

Freedom to keep that secret place…

To live inside of your own mind…

To live inside of your own means…

To have a piece of mind… and peace in mind…

Freedom to escape tragedy and disaster…

And channel it into something different…

Your own private bunker of the mind…

That connects you with your calling…

Your secret place….

 

 

Incomplete equations

Its seems that you're not the only confused addition to this equation….

Because every time I add up all the different components the results change …..

I tried subtracting you from me and multiplying me by someone else and the product is still you…..

My equation was missing something…. Someone….

I tried subtracting my feelings but then somehow attraction was added in…

You added your feelings and multiplied mine by ten…

Leaving me with an incomplete equation…

I’m done

No more words to be said

No more tears will shed

No more hate to be fed

No more lies to be heard

No more thoughts in my mind

Thinking you were a find

So now I leave you behind

Goodbye

No more thoughts as to what

Could be holding you up

So now I give up this game

No more wondering why

When you laugh I cry

Or think it was I

That was wrong

Hope you have a good life

While I pull out the knife

Now on with my life

I'm done

Can't believe that I thought

All the lies that I bought

That you could ever be the one

Your decision

I once had love…

I had dreams…

Desires…

Passions…

But I let the insecurities of others steal that away…

I allowed them to turn and twist what was mine…

I let them win….

They stole my dream…

Crushed my heart…

Clouded my mind…

Tainted my soul…

Turned my dream into a nightmare…

I desire no one else…

We once shared the same passion…

The same bed…

The same body…

I love you...

You love me…

I'm in love with you…

You gave your all to me…

Is it enough…

Was it enough…

Should we give up…

Your decision.

Your choice

Is it so hard to feel for me

Is it so hard to be real with me

Is it so hard to hug me

Is it so hard to kiss me

Is it so hard to be with me

Is it so hard???

Is it so wrong to expect affection

Is it so wrong to expect a phone call

Is it so wrong to expect you to miss me

Is it so wrong to expect you to treat me like your only

Is it so wrong???

I will I ever get you to myself

I will I ever stop feeling 2^nd best around you

I will I ever stop feeling for you

I will I ever stop thinking there us more to you

I will I ever…

Because of you she suffers

Because of you I can't be with her

Because of you I can't decide

But because of you I appreciate her more

She's not afraid to love me

She's not afraid of what others think

She's not afraid to announce her feelings

She's not afraid

Why do I allow you to drag me down

Why do I allow you to walk around like you're the sh….

Why do I allow you to have power over me

Why do I allow you to play with me

…

Because I fell

I'm falling

I'm crashing

I'm dying if you don't catch me

If you don't call me

If you don't text me

If your not with me

I'm dying

But in my rebirth you and me becomes me and she…

And you gonna let me die?

Your choice

Puppet master

How long do you expect me to play dumb…

Sit around waiting when you never come…

Never call... maybe text… once…

Record twice…

How long do you expect me to play dumb…

Thinking you're doing the worst…

Hoping your doing your best…

Wanting just you and me not all the rest…

How long do you expect me to play dumb…

You give me enough rope to hang…

Dangle lifeless… constrained…

Waiting for you to bring me back to life…

Move my strings…

How long do you expect me to play dumb…

Reality is even Pinocchio wanted to feel…

He wanted to be real…

Free from his strings…

Like him I'm not a toy…

I want to be your real boy…

Not just something pretty…

Something you leave on the shelf…

Or only play with for my health…

How long do you expect me to play dumb…

I miss our long nights…

Our joyous laughter…

But your just a puppet master…