State of disbelief

Why are you the thing that I think of most?

Why are you so beautiful to me?

Why am I in a state of disbelief?
Why do I yearn for your conversation?

Why do you keep me on the edge of my skin?

Why do I want you at the tip of my tongue?

Why does your touch drive me insane?

Why can't I explain how I feel?

Why am I questioning everything?

Every time I'm in your presence nothing else matters…

You put my mind at ease without hesitation…

You make me smile…

Laugh…

You make me happy…

Happiness…

A feeling that been missing for…

Well where has this feeling been???

It's better than a day off…

Better than shopping…

Better than the doctor prescribed numbness…

Why do I feel 14 again???

Why do I feel like I'm keeping a good secret???

Why do I feel like Christmas morning???

Why does seeing your name across that screen feel like the first time?

Every time…

Every time…

And why when you kiss me…

Does my equilibrium fail me???

And why do I wanna know why???

Ready

I'm ready for some change in my life
No more lonely nights
No more misery
No more unnecessary stress
It's time for a new beginning
A new frontier
New horizons to broaden
Time to walk through that open door
To a new perspective
A new dynamic
A new attitude
I'm ready to date life
Get in bed with my future
And make love to my dreams and aspirations
I am ready for change...

Games

Let the games begin 
Are we enemies or friends
Frienemies or foes
What's the reasoning 
Who knows?
The story goes
On and on 
Never-ending song
For as long as the lie must
We have no trust
No loyalty 
Employing me 
To be the bad guy
The opposer
The truth seeker
That will expose the truth
Exposing you for what you are
A poser in a allies body
Holding rank 
Enemies,friends,frienemies,and foes
All in the same
You've reached record lows
So again let the games begin  
The bitter cold war
My wrath must be unleashed
Why
Because I'm sick of...
The silent games
The innuendos 
And the endless cycles
Of small untruths
That build and build
You bend 
I break
The cycle
Of hate
A cycle
In which we despise
And wish demise
Among each other 
So let the game end
Truth is 
You were never a friend
A member of opposing faction
Just remember 
Every beginning 
Has an ending action 
 

A bastard child

Just for a moment…

One moment…

I wish he were there for me…

But he wasn't…

He wasn't there to protect me …

He wasn't there to love me…

He just wasn't there…

And I resent him for it…

My heart bleeds every time I think about...

Him…

Was I not enough?

The question that burns in my mind…

Or maybe he's ashamed…

Is the man I am today not good enough?

I guess ill never know…

Does he know that because of him I've never known Love…

That unconditional love that a man gives to a boy…

That love that builds a boys confidence…

Does he know I've never let any man fill that void…

Why?

Because they weren't him…

My strength fails me…

As I grew I watched others live with what I yearned for…

Even in my adulthood I'm just mere footsteps away from it…

It breaks my heart…

Torments me…

To watch what so many take for granted flourish before me…

He missed my whole life…

First haircut, soccer game, fight, driver license, the list goes on…

I'm labeled the bastard child…

Boy without a father…

</3

The backup plan

I won't become an enabler to my own demise…

Even though I have been for some years…

I let these people run in and out of my life…

While they threw stones at my glass frame…

I shattered…

I broke down…

My heart pounded…

For each and everyone of those people…

Those people I loved…

Those people I cared for…

I invited pain and suffering into my inner realm…

Tormented myself for acceptance…

Tormented myself for companionship…

For "love"….

Love didn't love me back…

It didn't put out what I put in…

So I did me for a while…

But I wanna be done…

I wanna coexist with another…

I wanna have a true lover…

I wanna be felt by another…

I need someone who wants to be with me only…

Is it a shame I've never had that from any man I've ever loved…

I was one of many…

Never one and only…

The backup plan…

Misdirection

When did I lose myself???

 

Why do I yearn for someone that doesn't exist???

 

The seasons are changing...

 

Sweet summer mornings are falling into brisk autumn nights...

 

Ironic...

 

Coincidence...

 

I was free...

 

I am free...

 

But why do I want to be captive???

 

My body is untouched...

 

My mind unstimulated...

 

I lay like a lump...

 

As I watch others live...

 

As I watch others love...

 

Wish I could eat it...

 

Bask in it...

 

Wrap myself in it...

 

Relive it...

 

Reminiscent of the love that was made...

 

Here I am in unfamiliar territory looking for an answer...

 

It seems to not exist...

 

Am I missing something???

 

Did I miss an opportunity???

 

I'm stuck in neutral with my emergency brake engaged…

 

Afraid to disengage my life…

 

I have to live…

 

But what kind of life will I lead with no direction…

 

Misguidance…

 

Need GPS…

 

Time to pick a destination…

 

Set a goal…

 

Aiming for the moon…

 

I'll save the stars for someone else…

 

Destination…

 

Up…

 

Society is colorful

What's the difference between straight and crooked???

Is there a Heaven and Hell???

I know there is right and wrong…

But whose decision is it???

Whose right is it to pass judgment???

Politics…

Conservatives…

Politically correctness…

Orthodox society…

A closed minded person is selfish…

One-sided…

Blind…

Bored and jaded…

Taking everything and everyone for face value…

Making the world we live in unstable…

Stability…

Acceptance instead of tolerance…

Broadened horizons…

Open minds…

Color!!!

Dynamic!!!

Multi dimension!!!

Freedom!!!

All things that need to become more common…

The world is not black and white…

Or a whole gray area…

Things change…

Times change…

Society is changing…

Society is colorful…

Radicals…

Ignorance is insulting…

Not blissful…

Why hide the truth???

Why be a coward???

Integrate…

Blend…

Own your life…

Society is colorful…

So ask yourself???

What color are you???