Stolen

I think one of the worst feelings is being robbed…

To have your trust stolen…

Your belongings stolen…

Your sanity stolen…

It’s almost unbearable…

I loved him…

I truly loved him in ways I didn’t understand…

And I guess what hurts the most is he didn’t love or respect me back….

He violated my trust…

Broke the treaty of our friendship…

And ultimately broke my heart…

And he stole from me…

Materials can be replaced…

My dignity cant…

Who can I blame?

Not my roommate…

I can only blame myself…

Blame myself for not being more careful…

Blame myself for not heeding warning signs…

For not listening my intuition…

Where did I go wrong?

Was it because I cared????

Maybe…

And he played and prayed on that fact…

I feel betrayed…

I feel shamed…

I feel disrespected…

I feel robbed…

Emotionally

Physically

And mentally fatigued

I can only hope that the cancer in me is not as strong as the cancer in you…

And you learn how to flush out your shitty qualities…

Then and only then can you regain a support system…

I would never wish harm of you…

But I don’t wish you well…

You robbed me…

And in return I will steal back myself…

Once a thief always a thief…

So consider our relationship stolen…

Mannequin

Am I just ears to listen…

Lips to kiss…

Thighs to grip…

Ass to eat…

Body to watch…

I thought I was human…

A warm blooded creature of the world…

But to you I'm a prop…

A bookmark in the sad story you call life…

I like a porcelain doll fragile and beautiful…

Yet cold and hollow inside…

I want to drink until I'm numb…

Pass the bottle…

Take another shot…

Flood my veins…

Awaken my soul…

Poison my mind…

With delusions that there will one day be…

You and me…

You and I…

I flip words like niggas flip their relationship status…

Master of my own craft…

My genius is in my tongue…

But alas no one hears me…

Because I am only a mannequin…

Only to be seen…

Silent…

And alone…

Mannequin…

Old friend

Hey old friend it was good seeing you…

I smiled as you pulled up

I missed you…

In ways I couldn't explain

I seen your mom…

She made me laugh

I see where you got your charm…

We went upstairs

Closed the door and surprise…

It wasn't the way I remembered it

Isn't it funny how life changes…?

But something's it stay the same

Our conversation nice and easy…

We spoke from our respective corners

But always end up coming together in the end…

I respect that

You respect me…

We kept it light

Even though thought was heavy…

Feelings of the deep depths

Neither of us have explored together…

The uncharted territories

Trying our best to push the boundaries without break…

A stress test

Or a constant battle with restraint…

We tire ourselves out

Both entangled in the webs of our bodies desires…

We sleep soundly

Safely because safety was not an issue…

I awoke refreshed

Rejuvenated …

Hey old friend

I've missed you…

Hey old friend

I've missed feeling light…

;)

Clarity

Some say I tell too much

But I say I haven't said enough

What I've been going through…

I could scream or cry at any moment

So what do I do?

Throw myself into work

Create new stress

And bigger disappointments

I have dreams

I have aspirations

But why does responsibility always…

I'm fucked

Mentally

Physically

Emotionally

Fucked

Speaking of emotions

I've been really on edge since I've left that medically induced comatose I called a life

Doctors

Medicines

They all wanted to numb me

Well I wanna feel

I wanna cry

I wanna know what my body and mind are going through…

Torture

My self respect is up

But self esteem lmao

I'm so over caring for Jim James Paul and Tyrone

Cuz something in me says they don't give a damn about me

Selfish

Selfless

Two words that seem to get confused

They think they're doing me a favor

I'm led on and led astray

Constantly confused

Underappreciated

Or unappreciated

I think I make myself very clear

Concise even

Yet my message still seems misconstrued

So what do I do?

What should I do?

Am I crazy?

Is this is all in my head?

Damn it

I need answers

I need the courage to ask those questions

I just need a moment of clarity

Domino Affect

My senses are in a heightened frenzy

I feel a sense of neglect

You open the flood gates

And left me empty

I go on my day to day

But like a candle left on overnight

My flame is dwindling

I give you a foot

And you're returning an inch

Is it me???

Cuz it's playing on my mind

My emotions are confused

My admittance to being weak

Scary

Bemused

I tear up with frustration

My fire extinguishing

Communicate to me

Communicate with me

Come back to my space

Spark my gasoline

Give me the mile you once gave

Ecstasy

I need that climatic experience

Just kiss me

Everything else will fall into place

Domino affect

Just kiss me

The moon is full

My tides are high

Kiss me

And watch as the tidal wave

Engulfs you

Just kiss me

 

 

 

 

 

Let’s Talk

Let's talk

I'm having an issue with the way a lot of things are panning out.

Dating

I like what I like

And I want what I want

I like what I want

But does it want me back

I'm confused    

Because I don't know if its insecurity

Or if I'm reading what I think are signs all wrong

I like you

I think you like me

Or could I just be you being friendly

I think I make my intentions clear

So why do I fear

That it is not clear at all

I guess instant gratification

And a more constant relation

Because this spotty conversation

Is killing me

I know you have other priorities

And other engagement s

And prior arrangements to attend to

But I need to see you more

So I can get to know you more

Because I'm interested

So let's talk

 

Dreaming state

I can't sleep well anymore
I keep wanting more to happen
I wake up hoping to see your name on my screen
Or see you next to me
In my bed comfortably
I miss a kiss good night
Or the way a body feels when it's held tight
Through the night
I miss him
I wanna see him everyday
That smile
Those eyes
His energy
The butterflies
I'm scared
I'm falling and I don't wanna fall alone
I'm afraid to hit the ground
That's why I need him around
So I know I won't be caught up
Alone
I'm in my bed
Thinking of you
By the phone
I wishing I could maybe
Call you my own
One day
Is it possible???
Or am I just in a dreaming state???