Weak

When is it time to say enough is enough?

When can I finally give up?

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired

My heart is weak

My mind is scrambled

My emotions are heavy

And I don't know when my body will give in

I'm tired of loving

I'm tired of being strong

I'm tired of falling

Crying has become almost second nature

Why do you ask of me what I can't give?

Why am I expected to stay around?

How could you think that having you partially is enough?

Do you have any intentions of being with me?

I'm sick of feeling like the other one

I'm tired of being second best

I'm sick of life, scared of death

When will I learn to love myself?

Why is loving me is so hard?

Is it impossible?

I'm hurting on the inside

Smiling on the out

Because to tell you how I feel…

Is too much of a burden for you to bear

Because you're confused

I understand where you're coming from

But your life seems to be moving along

While mine is stuck in a infinite loop of disappointment

I want more than you're willing to commit to

But you also want things that I can't afford to give up

I want us to be

But the way things are going it's like it's not to be

What is a life full of accomplishments without someone to share them with?

NOTHING

Leaving me weak and lonely

 

Faith

As doubt sets in my mind

And insecurity sets on my person

I try to remember I trust you

I trust that if I stay strong for you

Inspite of not being strong for myself

That one day we will be

One day your eye will meet my eye

Your soft lips will touch mind

And your angelic spirit will touch my heart

And seal my soul ecstasy

As I remember to trust you

I trust that you are not using me

And the love that you have for me as a person is pure

And you wont turn your back on me

As I give my trust to you

I realize how weak I'm left

Defenseless, unprotected

Infantile almost

Yet, trust is still given

Because of my love of you as a person

My faith in you

Allows me to trust you

But my faith in us

Allows me to trust myself

A wise person said one

Who does not love oneself

Could never love another

But I believe the one

Who does not trust oneself

Could never love another

So do you trust me?

 

Falling

I'm falling towards the pavement

No protection

My arms are tied

My emotions are tried

Nervous system is shattered

Spirit tattered

But never broken

I am what you need

Your noble steed

Something important to transport you from one place to the next

But I can't help but feel insignificant

Because I'm what you need

But not what you want

Realizing this fact my face smacks the ground

Blood pooling around my body

But it doesn't hurt

My feelings are elsewhere

My intentions are to reassure you

I feel my heart stress

I rather make you happy rather then worry about myself

By then it maybe to late

But something in me hopes

You pick me up and help me

I've fallen already

Have you fallen too?

I think you have

But not for me

For the one you love I could never compete

So as my body becomes lifeless

I feel no pain greater

Than the stress of falling in love with you

Who am I?

Scared of lonely

Yet I'm always alone

Because I realized some of my flaws

I fell for you, I fell for her, I fell for the illusion that we could be

It was because of he, it was because of she, it was because of me

It was self inflicted

I'm in love with love

Unfortunately love doesn't me

I've overstepped my boundaries

I wanted to be the boss

No matter what it costed me

Relationships, friendships, employment

None of which mattered at the time

I thought I had it all figured out

I overextended myself

Accepted the responsibility and ran with it

But I've run so far I've forgotten my path

Reality hit me like a head on collision with the devil himself

I had recollection that that devil was I

All the blame was on me now

My ego took over my life

I was drunk over a drink of deception

And hung over with self pity

Facing my demons was, is, and will never be a small feat

Abdicating years and years of bad habits

Putting me in surreal state of being

To recall 4 years of my life in a matter of seconds

Blew my mind and open my eyes

Breaking me down to my bare essentials

Leaving me delusional and alone

To rediscover myself

Who am I?

 

Babe

You had me at hello

How exactly I don't know

We connected from the start

On the 4^th hour my heart was yours

My heart had been broken so I declared war

But destiny was in your favor cause I reopened the door

To you my baby, my babe, my boo

Talking to you is all I ever want to do

The day in my head that just can't wait

Is the day that we have our very first date

A day with you could never breed disaster

I'm hoping you could be my happily ever after

Test

My nerves are frantic

My emotions in a panic

Am I being to dramatic

My 1^st instinct says no

I need to chill

Get a drink or take a pill

But when I called for you there was no answer

My sign is a cancer

So I'm not a second chancer

So now I'm in a state of shock

My heartbeat quickly paced

As if I'm being chased

My mind has been displaced

Now breath become short

Pulse begins to drop my chest is gonna pop

Baby make it stop

Consciousness is lost

Lifelessness beginning to show

Restoration chances are low

Where did you go?

My heart is braking

My body begins shaking

Now I see in the event of a code red

As I eye roll behind my head

You would leave me for dead

 

 

 

How strong is love?

The closer I get to happiness and acceptance

The farther she falls into despair

We can't talk anymore without pain and tears swelling her face up like a bursting water balloon

I can't cry anymore

I'm sick of crying

Fighting and screaming on the inside

I realize that all the pain I feel towards her and myself is self inflicted

I don't love myself

I love her but she still cries

Her heart isn't ready

It's not ready for a relationship between us

It's not ready to let the old me go

I don't want to leave but I can't bear to see another tear roll down her cheek

I can't go another sleepless night wondering if she cares or understands

Can't go another night not knowing how she feeling

How can I love her if I don't have love for myself?

I respect myself

I love her

I love her to death actually

But the question is does she love me enough to be miserable a little while longer?

If she didn't I wouldn't blame her

Because who could ever love someone who doesn't love themselves?

How strong is love?

Because the farther I push her away

The more I realize I need her